| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|11:40 pm] |
Wow...its been a long time since I've updated this thing...
So much has changed in this last year. A three year relationship with my ex boyfriend ended in Nov. because of my eating disorder, it was making me crazy, unhappy, emotional, and i stopped caring about everything but it, of course there were other things as well, it was just time we were having a lot of other issues, but i of course me being well..eating disordered...I saw it as a good thing, i lost a shit load of weight on top of the weight i had already lost. I have a new boyfriend now, we have been together for 8 months...he eats so much, and still says in such good shape, he has forced me to eat with him for lunch and dinner every night, so i guess i was so happy from meeting such a great guy, i forgot about my ED and became somewhat normal...well it didnt last too long because here i am again... I guess no one can ever make u feel truly happy about yourself, or maybe its deeper than that, for me i think it has to do with control and how i love feeeling empty inside. Feeling full is just gross... Anyways, I guess I will re introduce myself since i've been MIA for a while...My name is Raeley, I'm a junior in college and I have had an eating disorder for the past 4 years, with some tendancies go back 8 years... I'm currently 135, i want to be 125 before school starts in about 3 weeks. I leave this thursday night to go to The Florida Keys with my boyfriend for a week, so hopefully we are so busy he wont notice that i'm not eating or i'm hope i wont have time to... I use to be 5'9.5 but i'm definatly shrinking, i'm probably 5'8 now... anyways, i guess thats all for now
new pics are at the top and bottom...im not sure why the bottom one is so blurry... they are from this past sunday...you can view my old ones from about a year ago on older entires in my journal... |
|
|
| Pictures from last night |
[Jul. 9th, 2005|01:25 pm] |
|
 me last night at my friends house...Gosh i hate my hips!
not the best picture.
|
|
|
| Pictures...Pictures...Pictures.... |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|05:38 pm] |
|
  the first picture is of me and my boyfriend at his prom this past april (he is 5 months younger than me and just graduated hs, i graduated last year) anywho i weighed 122 in that pic, its a bad pic because neither one of us are smiling, but oh well! The bottom picture is of me and my boyfriend in May 2004...a year and 3 months ago i weight 140...so fat!!! I'll post more new pictures soon.
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 8th, 2005|02:23 am] |
Wow its a little past 2am and im STILL awake... well not still my boyfriend just dropped me off at my house, we were sleeping at his house before he dropped me off. Im tired, but cant sleep. My parents are still on vacation, they will be back Monday. The weird thing is it is easier NOT to eat when they are here than it is, when they are not here. I would go days without eating anythhing now im eating a little everyday. My parents were catching on before they left and esp my little brother. He would always say to my mom, raeley looks anorixic or why is raeley losing so much weight. My boyfriend little cousin and me were playing in the park and she said to me ( she is 7 by the way) I bet you dont eat that much because your so skinny. I love those comments! So tonight I screwed up! My boyfriend and I went out and got pizza. Now i weigh 121, sucks! I never stay past 119 for long... tomorrow will be better, im not going to eat. I have to work from 11:30 to 3 (short day at work!) then go work out for an hour.
I love my boyfriend to death, he is such a great guy who loves me for me, and thought i was sexy when i weighed 142 last August, he always makes me feel pretty. Well time to get some sleep.
<3 Rae |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2005|09:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  confused | ] |
Today was a okay day. I decided that Im going to eat a small breakfast (granola bar 100 cals) and a Vitiam B-supplement pill, so hopefully my metobolism wont die! Then after that not eat at all until 4 or 5ish a small meal and then be done for the day. Well, that didnt work out today, I went out to eat with my parents for dinner, Im so upset, I am down to 120 and i had to go out with them to steak n shake before we went to the casino. Im gonna do better tomorrow by not eating but one granola bar and thats it.
It so funny how all over every magazine is Lindsey Lohan and how she is "wasting away" I mean i think she is in denial when she says she doesnt have an eating disorder, beacuase is sooo obvious, but the media is critizing her for it, the media basically forces people into an eating disorder, but they are so quick to judge you when you are skinny. They make Skinny pretty, but then are hypocriticial when a person loses weight. Damn i hate the media!
Anyways, I've noticed that im using comments that people are giving me as "fuel" to keep going. At work I've noticed all the guys staring at me more ( i am waitress) and the guys i work with have been asking me if i have been working out more, and my mangers have a suspition that im not eating because one of them tells me that im getting too skinny, the other one says that im a twig, its so nice! My brother said to my mom today that he doesnt know why i keep losing weight and that i look anorexic, its great i love these comments it means its working and my hard work is paying off, and alothough my bmi is 18, i guess technically im underweight because 18.5 is normal, but i still feel fat. I think i look the same as i did when i was 142 and it sucks! i want to feel skinnier too! My boyfriend has told me i need to stop but he has tried to get me to start eating more for the past two years so i think he is giving up and letting me see how far i go. Hes so gorgorous i feel that i need to be skinnier to feel more cofortable with him, i mean we have been together for over two years and he always tells me how pretty and hot i am but i feel as though i can do better and i will do better!
.raeley. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2005|07:30 pm] |
|
Hi! My name is Raeley. (ray-lee). Im new on this live journal thing, Im looking for lots of friends and inspriation. Its really great to have people who are pro ana supporting you. Im 19 years old, 5'9" and currently weigh 124. My goal is 110-115, not really sure how low i wanna go. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xsetmefree9x's journal